I had an abortion in my twenties, even though I had always thought that is is wrong. Afterwards I felt a sense of relief, but it turned into anxiety very quickly. In the midst of my surprise pregnancy I was full of fear of future, but later I realized that I could have coped with a child just as anyone else. No one warned me about the pain abortion causes. I felt that I was left alone and no one understood my guilt and self-loathing. I wanted to just forget about the issue, but could not. It affected all areas of my life. After few years I came to Itu-project peer-support weekend, where I was allowed to deal with abortion pain in an understanding environment. I felt that people accepted me and my feelings. It helped a lot. Now I am able to live my life again, which I thought would never happen. Without the peer-support group I would probably not be this well.
Woman 26
I found out I was pregnant in situation far from perfect. My relationship was new and I have history with mental illness. I also work in a field of art where the economic expectations are not good. Still I knew from the beginning that I would keep my child. That is because I have gone through an abortion before. I thought then that this was the best decision for me and my child. However the abortion did not make the pregnancy non-existent. I had to go through loss, self-accusations, and thoughts of “what if”. This was very wearing, but I could not make it stop without professional help. When I made my decision about terminating my pregnancy I thought that I would be able to continue normal life after the termination, but I was wrong. It took me two years of my life to process the issue, of which I spent half a year out of work. After abortion I fell in to a severe depression, which momentarily worsened in to a psychosis. In the hospital one psychiatric nurse told me that “all women regret their abortion at some point”. I did not laugh. I got my life back in order with the help of Finnish health care and Itu-project staff. During this new pregnancy I have noticed that pregnancy changes thoughts and how I experience life. It has given me drive to deal with the sometimes chaotic situations in life. Finnish society also helps expecting women a lot. For me it is absolutely best option to continue with my pregnancy. I also think that if I begin to wait for perfect environment to have a child I cannot do it before I am 45 and then it might be too late.
Woman 32