After an abortion it is important to have someone to talk to about your experience and feelings. You have been through a loss and are allowed to grieve it. Abortion often raises mixed thoughts and feelings and dealing with them can feel scary. Suppressing feelings does not help, but can even make things worse. Difficult experience that is not dealt with can affect our lives for a long time. It is important to deal with feelings so that they won’t turn inwards and cause self-hatred or self-destruction. Many women who have gone through an abortion feel that no one else can understand their experience and isolate themselves. Grievance after abortion is similar to grieve after a miscarriage. Both of these situations mean that the bond that has been developed between a mother and a child during the first weeks of pregnancy is suddenly terminated. However in the case of abortion there is often guilt that is more difficult to handle. It is common to have feelings of relief right after the procedure, but sometimes difficult emotions arise after a while. It might feel difficult to face what has happened. Many women are in denial about their feelings. The denial might last from few hours to decades. Women react to abortion in various ways. Many feel anxiety and anger. Sometimes these feelings can be very deep and difficult to handle. It is important to express anger and other feelings and not suppress them. Suppressing can lead to psychosomatic symptoms and depression. Guilt, shame and self-pity are also common feelings that arise after an abortion. Forgiving self and others and receiving forgiveness are few of the most important steps in the healing process. Ituproject offers free counseling for women who suffer the aftermath of an abortion. We also have abortion recovery Journey-groups. You can contact us even if your abortion happened a long time ago. Send a message to 040 832 9001 or send an email to itu@ituprojekti.fi If you are in Helsinki area, send a message to 040 5188 783 or an email to ituhelsinki@tnnky.fi
Journey group
Journey is a small weekly support group that gathers nine times. In the group abortion can be talked through with others who have gone through the same experience. Group has two leaders. The aim is to offer a safe environment where women are allowed to share their experience, feelings and thoughts without the fear of condemnation. Journey-group has ten steps:
- Seeking help
Seeking help is the first step on the road to recovery It takes courage because the issues at hand are very personal sensitive. First step is one-to-one meeting with group leader.
- Sharing your story
This is the first session with the whole group. Process begins when woman opens up and tells her story. Not just facts and circumstances, but her true thoughts and feelings.
- Coming out of denial
Coming out of denial means that we face the fact that abortion did not happen without consequences. In this step women face their feelings more deeply and go through all the effects of abortion.
- Anger and depression
After coming out of denial the first feeling is often anger. It is important to deal with anger as it can suppress other feelings. Suppressed anger can turn in to depression or strong self-hatred.
- Guilt and shame
Guilt and shame are feelings that women with post abortion stress disorder often feel at the same time and it can be difficult to separate them from each other. Guilt is a healthy emotion that arises after specific thoughts or deeds. Shame is often a very negative emotion that leads to a strong feeling of unworthiness. Many women feel guilt after an abortion but don’t know why. After all they have made a perfectly logical decision.
- Grief
Grieving the lost child is an important step in the healing process after an abortion. It is important to be able to express deep emotions. After grieving it is easier to accept what has happened.
- Taking responsibility
Accountability means taking responsibility for our own words and deeds. We also learn to admit our mistakes and errs. It is important to separate our own responsibilities from those of others.
- Forgiveness
After facing her own responsibility a woman may feel that she is carrying a burden. Forgiving self and others is a very important step in the healing process. It is usually hardest to forgive ourselves. It takes courage to accept forgiveness and stop condemning ourselves. Many times this step also raises up spiritual questions. Many women feel that the good news of God’s forgiveness gives them peace.
- Acceptance and letting go
Receiving forgiveness and forgiving self and others makes it easier to accept what has happened and let go. This is not passive but an active process where we let go of our past. For some of us this is a major shift in our attitude towards ourselves and life, but for some it takes more time.
- Going forward
In our last Journey-meeting we usually have a little memorial. It is a concrete ending for the process. It helps us to think forward and let go of the past.